School is just around the corner and I’m not ready yet. 2 months of summer is not enough for a teenage girl like me. I’m still enjoying my summer. The summer of 2011 has been a pleasant surprise. And here comes school to end it. how awesome…. Not in the mood to post a long blog post.
May 7, 2011
As soon as possible..
So I’m planning to sell my DSLR camera. I want a new one. I want a DSLR camera with video recorder. The problem is I can’t find “the right one” for me. 
) My camera has this tiltable LCD and a live view finder. I also have a spare lens 55-200. And that’s what I like about my camera. My problem is I can’t find a twin lens camera which has these 2 features PLUS video recorder 
and still affordable. I’m on a budget people. ) Please somebody help me. As of now, my only option is Canon 500D. Any suggestion?
April 27, 2011
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW INDIFFIRENT
If there’s one thing I’m surprised I can do quite well, it’s detaching. Growing up, I’ve always thought I had separation anxiety issues – I would cry when my mom leaves for work, I would hang on to my grandmother’s legs after every visit. I clearly remember one phase in my kindergarten life where my mom and I had this little routine: she’d bring me to the gate, I’d walk about thirty steps away from her, then I’d run back crying and wiping my snot on her pencil skirt. Then she’d bring me to the gate again, and I’d wave her goodbye before I finally lose her in the bustle of students running late and sisters returning to school after mass. Looking back, that would’ve been evident signs of the Cannot Let Go complex.
But when I ruminate on all the things I’ve had to let go of in the last few years, I’m (pleasantly) surprised that it didn’t take much of a struggle. For someone who used to hold on to things until I got rope burn, I was able to walk away without devastating injuries. Yes, the pain was there, and of course I felt confused and resentful. Yet there was always that window for release – there was never a “I cannot do that” moment. They were always, “I’d rather not do it, of course, but what the hell, it’s not like I can’t.” Which I think explains why giving The Cold War has become my expertise. And which some people mistake as strength, when all it really is (I think for me, at least) is indifference.
Yes, indifference. I have learned to become indifferent to situations I do not want and people I prefer to not handle. I don’t know if it’s the adult thing to do, or even the decent one at that, but it gets me through. Sometimes, it’s this uncaring, uninterested attitude that actually gets things done and makes me feel more satisfied with how things fall into place.
April 21, 2011
STRESSED
when read backwards says Desserts.
Universe, what are you trying to tell me?
April 21, 2011
FOREVER
I’m not a fan of the word “forever” – I don’t like using it in my essays, stories, and even my very few (and lame) attempts at poetry on secret parts of my notebooks and/or scratch papers. The last time I used it as a punctuation to an excessive sense of emotion was for my (still undying, albeit now more quiet) love for Nathan Scott, the character from One Tree Hill I unabashedly obsessed over. Other than that, I’m afraid it hasn’t found my way into my regular “serious” vocabulary since.
“Forever” requires – no, more like compels – a certain kind of commitment: that of a lifetime. Forever. Eternity. For all of time. It’s supposed to be held in esteem, I suppose, and I guess there’s nobility in that, especially for relationships (not necessarily romantic) that truly value “forever” and stick to it. But what I don’t like is how after the unexpected “expiration” of the word, it gets blatantly rebuked and upbraided. “I thought you said forever! What happened to our forever!?” – aside from the very obvious melodramatic overtones, I hate that no matter how true the sentiment behind these statements may be, well, it was founded on unrealistic grounds. Really? You expected someone to stay with you for all of time and not stop loving you? Really?
Basically, what I’m trying to say is for me to consider anything as worthy of my “forever” is definitely something. But right now, I’ve just affirmed my conviction that yes, indeed, despite my pretty logical line of reasoning, there is one thing I am willing to believe in; there is something I am willing to hold on to for all of eternity.
April 17, 2011
SUPPOSEDLY 365
Sometimes you don’t need the words, the food, the flowers, the song- just that one night, that moment, where you look into his eyes and his fingers are tickling your feet and you know, you just know, that it has.
April 16, 2011
CAPTURING SILENCE
I guess as an “artist” it’s always about the moments we can catch and put into our craft that can define our art. Be it using your canvas and paint, your camera, your dance, your song, your facial expression, your words — you want to be able to seize the abstract and make it tangible, however difficult that may be.
I’ve always wondered how it would be like to encapsulate silence. Is it ever possible?
Silence is a vague concept. Is it just the absence of vibrations and sound waves? Is it the calm before the storm, or the rainbow after the rain? What is it really, and why do we keep on pushing it away when we all know how badly we need it?
When you read a random quote sprawled on the jeepney dashboard and you feel a smile spreading on your lips because it reminds you of someone;
When you are watching a huge basketball game and for a split second everyone holds their breath as the star player releases a 3-point-shot attempt with 1.7 seconds on the clock;
When you see your crush walking towards your direction and you start to panic about what to say, then he nods at you and walks past you but all you can think of was how his smile seemed to blur everything else away;
When you listen to a new, undiscovered band’s really awesome album and you realize you cannot turn the player off even after the last riff has been played;
When you’re inside the classroom taking your crucial midterm exam and you can feel the collective anxiety in everyone who want to pass just as badly as you do;
When your parents start fighting and suddenly one of then stands up from the dinner table and locks inside the room, leaving you to finish your meal uncomfortably;
When you’re talking on the phone telling how badly you want things to go back to normal and explaining your side but you don’t hear him explaining his;
When you’re forced to write something for a paper and you start hating that blinking vertical cursor on your screen that you’ve been staring at for an hour and a half;
These are what I want to capture — the small, complex, but powerful silences. The almost unnoticeable and very minute quiet pauses that we often neglect but so evidently piece together the bigger moments that make up our day, our lives. It’s like the comma that connects the clauses, the staple wire that holds the sheets of paper, the adhesive that keeps the bandaid from falling. Silence can mean so many things: a yes, a no, a refusal, an acceptance. It can be a powerful weapon, or an unforgivable mistake.
Sometimes I wonder if I can put silence in a little locket and keep it around my neck at all times. When things start getting confusing, I will unlock it and put myself in a little bubble, seemingly pausing everything else around me and grant myself a couple of seconds of much-needed quietude. But only for a few moments because too long a silence would be deafening. After a while I will open my eyes again and feel rejuvenated, like the Mozilla browser after being refreshed.
But can one really encapsulate its meaning without using the commotion of words, the splashes of color, the unruliness of sound? Wouldn’t that be contradicting its whole idea?
I’ll let the silence answer that for now, I guess.
